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Question
A friend of the family is getting married at the end of March. I was invited to an event after the wedding
and after reception - immediately following both events, for drinks and dancing. Also I was invited to the shower,
inside the "reception" invite were two cards letting me know where the couple is registered.
In other words, I'm invited to the shower and
second reception but not the wedding or initial reception. What are your thoughts? I found it to be insulting. It said, you're
not important enough that I invite you to my wedding but bring us presents!
Reply
I
read this the same way. This is obscene and extremely improper. To be invited to an after-hour reception means
that you are being considered a second thought. We all know this. It is unfortunate they decided to do it.
It is not appropriate and is not a ‘real’ wedding event.
Only yesterday I received an email from someone
who thought the same as this host. Some people think that it is perfectly fine to create an event that isn’t typical
and ask for gifts. They don’t seem to be interested in actually hosting or providing their guests with what host
should. And, the worst part is that most, just as the lady who contacted me yesterday, consider people like me out of
date and too hung up on ‘rules’. This is unfortunate, because, as you have experienced first hand, this
hurts people.
I’m sorry. And, if it were me invited
to all of this, I would decline.
Only those invited to the wedding may be invited
to a shower. You are not obligated to give a gift if only invited to a reception or part of a reception.
Registration cards inside the invitation…not
surprising and very unsettling.
Sincerely,
Rebecca
Question:
Hi Rebecca,
My brother's wife died many years ago and last month he proposed
to a woman that her husband has passed away as well. Her family is on the east coast and our family is on the West
Coast with the couple. My sister and I would like to give them an engagement party so that we can spend more time with
her and to set an example for their children. Our father's girlfriend says it is not appropriate to have an engagement
party for them since it is a second marriage. What is your opinion?
Wanting to do the right thing.
Reply:
Dear Wanting to do the right thing,
This is fine. We can have an engagement party for the tenth
wedding if we want. We just have to create an atmosphere of joy and not of gifting. This shouldn’t appear
to be a gift giving event. It will be difficult due to the ‘gifting for all’ craze. But, even the
first time engaged couple’s engagement party is supposed to be gift free. So, it should be fine. And please,
only invite those who are also invited to the wedding.
Sincerely,
Rebecca
For Pet Lovers
I created a new website, Our Pet Network, for those grieving for the loss of their pets, to share their experiences
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Please visit my newest video as well.
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This school, which also supports
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